“Dandenong, Tittibong, and Mittagong” or The Dingo Ate My Grape Jelly Sandwich!
By Patrick Liddell

My first email, entailing the trip to Japan and the first impressions of Australia, worked pretty well as a play-by-play of everything that happened in those two or three weeks. Since then, however, enough has happened that a chronology of events would prove tedious and predictable. (Not that I’m not tedious and predictable anyway!) I wish that I had similar wild stories about the weird things that have been going on, but for the most part I don’t. There are a few events worth mentioning, but I don’t know that I’ll put them in any sort of order, and there are some random Australianisms that I’ll mention, but again there probably won't be much rhyme or reason to them. This, I suspect, will be the most boring of my emails about what is going on; I haven’t been out to see that much yet as it’s too freaking cold.

Things have certainly fallen into a groove, though, of which I am pretty happy about. I am incredibly, wonderfully busy all the time now, and that is exactly what I had hoped would happen. Being back in academia is so fantastic; I don’t know how I managed the year away from it. I have been more productive composing in the last month than all of last year total, finishing three pieces already and preparing to kick a fourth, fifth, and potentially sixth and seventh off in the next few weeks. Further, I have been busy with trying to get my works performed; in the jazz ensemble here they will be looking at the chart I wrote while at Northwestern (since NU didn’t end up playing it there,) in the brass band they are going to try my quartets (although I have to conduct… why did I write it in 7/8 and 5/8?!), and an accapella vocal group here is trying my 6-part vocal piece based on a tune by the Zvooks. The jazz band instructor had mentioned that he was always eager to try works by students. When I brought it in, though, he said, “We’re always trying to get works written by… Americans.” I’ll rant about this later, but this is just one of many problems I’ve had with my nationality. So in other words, composing is going well.

School, however, has been somewhat disappointing. I have only two classes I’m registered in (it’s considered a full load for my degree), and neither require a lot of work, honestly. The reason behind this is the degree itself and the way school works here. I think it works like this (I say “I think” because I have weaned this information from many, many people, as no one seems to have a clear answer for me): College here (in Australia, I mean) is generally 3 years long, and then most degrees have the option of continuing another year or two doing ‘honours’ courses, which are set up to hone your skills in a particular subject (oboe playing, for instance.) After graduating with or without the honours classes under your belt, you then continue on to your masters and then doctorate. However, a Graduate Diploma (my degree, which I had thought was the equivalent of a Certificate in the states,) is basically a degree for those who graduated without taking honours courses but still want to move on to masters degrees. Thus, I am not allowed to take graduate level classes, only honours. Since honours are basically just senior year, I feel like I am taking a fairly decent step back. The two classes I am enrolled in are a composition seminar where we talk about the technology available to composers (not much new here…) as well as a fieldwork seminar in which we learn the techniques of going to record and document live recordings, usually in the field of ethnomusicology. I am using this class as the excuse to take part in the reason I came to Australia in the first place: the Indonesian Gamelan. I have already gone and recorded a performance of some pieces being performed, and now I just have to transcribe all the parts and write 13,000 words about it. No sweat. However because this is my topic, I have been allowed full access to the gamelan recourses at the school; I am in both gamelan ensembles as well as the Music in Java and Bali course, and I have access to the Asian Orchestras Room whenever I want it; piece number five I’m planning on writing this semester will be for Balinese Gamelan and string orchestra, and I think I am going to base the work on the inspiration I felt at Fushimi Shrine in Kyoto. [pics on this website]

One last thing about school itself; I had come here with the intention of not playing trombone at all. I don’t consider myself a trombone player anymore; I enjoying playing piano so much more (even though I am much worse at the instrument) and above all a composer. However, the first week of school I noticed that the jazz ensemble had only two trombones, and I wrote the professor to see if they were short and needed someone to fill in… why not? As a matter of fact, they did, so I was given the bass trombone position. It was then that I found out there are only two trombones in the school period, and news of my willingness to help the jazz band flew around the school, and by the next week I was asked to play in the schools orchestra (playing Ravel’s “Pictures at an Exhibition”, as if I’m not sick enough of that piece) as well as the Wind Symphony (playing crap.) Further, the gamelan teacher found out that I was a trombonist and now I’m playing trombone on a couple of tunes on the upcoming gamelan performance. (Sept. 18th. I’ll give a full report.) Interestingly, the ensembles here only perform until the concerts; for instance, I am done with gamelan after the 18th, and orchestra is done the week after, even though school goes until November. Not that I’m complaining. Well, maybe I am complaining about gamelan. I do love it.

I had a really sweet job fall into my lap. When I had first talked to the jazz professor about playing trombone, he asked about my Finale notation skills (which are quite good, if I may say so myself…). He was looking for a research assistant to help him prepare an article for Downbeat Magazine about jazz saxophonist Joe Lovano. He needed someone to update his bibliography and discography and edit his masters thesis (on which the article was mostly based.) This was no problem. However, he also wanted to transcribe 2 or 3 solos from Lovano’s more recent albums; rather, he wanted me to transcribe them. I hadn’t heard much of Lovano before, but I knew enough to know that this wasn’t going to be easy. (What the prof said, actually, was “Well, Joe plays in the key now and then….”) I’m not that good at transcribing to begin with, but a saxophonist playing 32nd notes for 3 minutes outside of a key is going to be impossible. The silver lining (which is a pretty thick lining, actually) is that I can take as long as I want on it, I can work my own hours, and it pays very, very well. Plus I’ll be a phenomenal transcriber by the time I get done. But I imagine I’ll hate Joe Lovano.

I have met some people that I would actually call friends now, which I had some doubts would happen from when I wrote last up until maybe a week ago. This has been difficult. I had mentioned that I could tell people were surprised to here me talk American, and this has definitely been my greatest handicap. They are overly saturated with American culture as it is (you should hear some of the things I hear: at an outing last weekend a total stranger overhears me getting ordering a drink, turns around and shouts, “Quick! Say something in American!” What do you say to that?), so my accent is anything but exotic. But it has made friend-making tough also; they just don’t trust me. I have a lot of people that I see day to day, but they won’t talk to me about anything but school. If I try to mention getting together for a movie or a drink or anything, usually that’s where the conversation ends. This has been changing slowly, fortunately, and this is why, I think: I am to be the only American in the music department. I can set the standard of what they can expect from Americans (i.e. I hate George Bush.) It has been frustrating to realize that, no matter what I do, I will be known as “The American.” So it’s slow, but it has been getting a lot better. You’ll notice a lot of the new pics are with friends; this is partially because I have more friends and partially because I only picked the photos that make it seem like a have more friends!

Regardless of this fact, I have been practicing at getting rid of my accent; picking up the Australian dialect was something of an ulterior motive to coming here anyway. People do, to their stereotype, say 'mate' all the time, though mostly the accent isn't as pronounced as Crocodile Dundee's; it's pretty subtle, actually, which has made picking it up a lot harder than I thought it'd be. The hardest word to fake is 'No', which here is not a diphthong or a triphthong, but in fact a quadraphthong (is that right?) consisting of 4 vowels in between two consonants, effectively "Neaouwah". Right now I'm sticking to "Thinkes, mite!" I have openly discussed this with friends I've met here, and they have said some very interesting things about the way I talk as well. To them, get this, everything we say (in American) sounds, as one bloke put it, "important." Since our consonants are so pronounced and our vowels so hard, it's as though everything we say has a lot of emphasis. Considering what comes out of most American's mouths, this is quite ironic. I have several friends who now openly mock my accent, though (I guess I should take this as a sign of acceptance rather than how I actually do take it: annoyed.) This had been my only thought on the matter until this weekend when I met a girl who found my accent “Sexy.” !! Maybe I won’t learn the dialect after all! (Another humourous side: when I have been brave enough to try the practiced accent in front of people I know, they all say I sound like Hugh Grant. Not British, but Hugh Grant particularly. Hmm. I can understand the British part, though, as I have a hard time differentiating the two anyway. Maybe that’s part of my problem? Or maybe that’s Hugh Grant’s problem?)

I should take a moment to error correct my last email; I had explained that fashion here seems a bit behind America (which would not come as a shock.) However, with a little more time to contemplate, I realize that I was wrong. It is not that they are 10 years behind the US in everyday fashion; rather, 10 years ago it wasn’t such a popular craze to have a name brand on your shirt, where it is typical now. I didn’t even figure this out until I overheard some Americans talking loudly on a tram on afternoon (“No wonder they hate us!” I thought to myself.) When I turned to glance at them, they were all wearing Fubu and Tommy Hillfiger shirts and shoes and bags and all that. They stuck out sorely. It hit me then that I had made the mistake about Australians; they had fine fashion, they just know better than to advertise the designers on their chests. I think this might be why I might seem Australian by looks to them, as I am against that kind of marketing as well. … and then I speak.

I have also come to realize how much it really does seem like the states here, which mostly is just too bad. When I visited Japan I was expecting a drastic change of culture, so when the time came, I didn’t feel that much culture shock at all. However, everything is so much like Chicago here, that when something out of the ordinary happens, I am usually surprised by it. “Oh, wait!” I say when crossing the street, “All the cars whizzing by are coming from that direction.” Or, “I have to wait how long for the next train?”

Oh, yeah, don’t get me started about public transportation. I have just about had it already. Maybe I’m spoiled by Chicago, but it doesn’t seem like too much to ask, in a city of 4 million, to have trains run more than twice an hour at 6 pm. And if you’re going to have a schedule for trams (trolleys), at least pretend to attempt to stick to it. At each tram stop there is a little sign that says the times when a tram is scheduled to come by. Rarely does it make the times within 15 minutes. And then, (see, I told you not to let me get into it!) they have the audacity to put these little placards up in the trams that compliment themselves about how on-time all the trains and trolleys are. Lies, I tell you! It’s all lies! See, a little too much like the United States.

I have been quite fortunate. After my last email, several people have offered to snail mail me things that I have been unable to find here. I have had one offer for ketchup and 3 offers for grape jelly! Aww, my friends are the best. (I mean, you’re reading this, after all.) I turned them all down, because Australia claims to have ridiculously strict quarantine laws, and I assumed that any packages containing ketchup would be napalmed upon being X-rayed and sniffed by the Beagle Brigade. However, I had asked my parents to send over some of my ties as I forgot to pack any, and when I got the box there was a giant sticker proclaiming “Passed Quarantine” on the front. Lo and behold when I opened it up there was a plastic bottle of grape jelly inside! I have been making PB & Js for every friend that I have over (which isn’t a lot, given) and they are met with wonderment, which is fantastic. Any way I can add exotic points is good, even if it’s by shipping in condiments. So, package up them leftovers and send ‘em here!

So that wraps up the general goings-on. I haven’t had a chance to do a lot of traveling yet, as getting around is tough without friends or a car, plus the weather is really nasty (the worst in years, they say. Of course it is: I’m here, right?) That’s why I say this email will be the most boring of the bunch.

However, there are just a few outings that are worth mentioning, as well as some pictures to show for them.
Just outside of Melbourne to the east is a series of low mountains known as the Dandenong Ranges. On a clear day you can see them from anywhere in the city. Considering the weather, of course, I have yet to see them at all. But I knew they were there, and I talked a couple friends (Ryan, a guitarist, and Steve, a saxophonist) into taking a day trip out to see the sights. As it happened, it was pouring down rain all day long. It was only perhaps a 30-minute drive to reach the hills surrounding the ranges, at which all city stopped and it became very forested. The gum trees were most of the visible vegetation; long trunks with few branches near the ground and bark peeling off in long vertical strips. Everything was so green considering the time of year, and every now and then a kookaburra could be heard howling in the distance. I was familiar with the sound of a laughing kookaburra from movies, but to hear it in person finally made me feel like I was away from the United States. [I found a link to an mp3 of a kookaburra laugh. Am I multimedia or what?] We drove around winding, unpaved roads until we reached the top where there was an observatory. There we took some shots of ourselves in front of what would be Melbourne if it weren’t raining, and on a railing there was a kookaburra perched, watching us watching it. Usually, I hear, they are very timid birds, but this one let us get right up near it for a few intimate shots. [see some pics] We did a bit more sightseeing (as much as we could stand to be outside] and then went into a small town nearby that was known for its ‘lollies’ (candy.) We found all sorts of amazing handmade treats in here, from chocolates to lollipops to sweet & sour licorice. I didn’t buy as much as I would have liked, but I found a candy bar that has actual chunks of honeycomb in it. I am so excited about it that I haven’t opened it yet! We ate dinner at a German restaurant called the ‘Cuckoo’, which claimed to have the biggest cuckoo clock in the world. I will add that the clock, while indeed very sizable, did not run. After dinner we came back into town and watched Terminator 3, which I thought was great.

All of my friends are younger than I am, as I don’t know any of the masters or doctoral students (I have heard there are a few composition doctoral students, but I have yet to meet them). I have already attended 2 friends 21st birthdays, which here is a very very large celebration. I have quizzed them on this, because it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. In Australia, you can drive when you turn 18, as well as legally purchase alcohol. Basically, when you turn 18 you are allowed anything. Thus, nothing really special is gained when you turn 21. “Why celebrate it then?” I ask. No one gives a decent answer, but what I do get ranges from, “You ask too many questions” to a beer shoved into my hands. Regardless, they are really massive parties of both family and friends, and most often they are not really picky on what happens… as the birthday boy/girl you are expected by both family and friends to get plastered. The first I attended, now a good friend, Ed, I hadn’t met before arriving at the party. The second was a girl named Kat whose mom is American, I am told constantly, as though because of that we may already know each other. Kat’s 21st was themed as Alice In Wonderland, so I donned my dance pants and a 30 cent plush top hat and hit the scene as the Mad Hatter. [one pic]

This previous paragraph is actually a bit of back story to my only sporting event thus far: Aussie Rules Football. Soccer is still called soccer here, as football (or “Footy”, because it’s Australian and they don’t like using more than two syllables per word) is used for this sport. Ed and friends invited me along on a disgustingly wet and cold night (most nights are, thus I moan about it all the time.) It was actually a lot of fun. They all complained that it was one of the most boring footy matches they’ve ever watched, but I thought it was pretty action packed. The game bares little resemblance to its American brother; it is much more violent. It is played on a cricket field (oval shaped), and footy season starts the day after cricket season ends. The play is a pretty bizarre mix of Amer. football, basketball, soccer, and hockey. By the end of the game, maybe 2 hours later, I understood most of the rules, which, I am told, will not be the case for cricket. They tell me that it takes months to understand cricket. But I’m game (forgive the pun); they say that everyone is completely wild about it here, so I figure it’ll be easy to get some people together to watch a match every so often. But supposedly some games last as long as 5 days! I’m sure there will be more about this in the future.

Other things to expect in the future (incentive to continue reading): in a few weeks I’ll be traveling to Sydney! It’s 8 hours driving so I’m going to take a sky bus… I am told I can get round-trip tickets for 60 dollars (45 US$!) Also in the next few emails it is supposed to become spring, and with the warmer weather I will (A) stop complaining about it all the time, and (B) get to see some other sights and sounds of Melbourne and Australia. On September 18th I am performing in my first gamelan recital, so I’ll give some information about that, and I am slowly getting members together to start a reggae band here (as I miss the Zvooks badly.) I have several other school-related concerts coming up as well, but unless they involve pyrotechnics that I don’t know about yet I don’t think I’ll write about them. You know how Pictures at an Exhibition ends.

Alright, take care till then. Lighta, mites.

Australian Kookaburra
kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
mighty mighty king of the tree tops, he
laugh, kookaburra, laugh
how gay your life must be

Listen to a kookaburra! It doesn't get more Aussie than this!

I promise this will knock your socks off.
My sister sent me this link of a Japanese TV show; this is the type of thing that I find fascinating about Japan. I tried to show it off to a few people online, but it seems to already have made the rounds in email forwards. If you haven't seen it, though, it's worth the few minutes. I love Japan! (note: it's loud)

Watch this video! It doesn't get any more Japanese than this!